Walk Away
by RavensWritings
Summary: Nine months after Jack's death, Chloe is still dealing with the emotional fallout and conflict caused by his absence. R&R, events take place between Days 4 and 5. Now Complete!
1. Chapter 1

Chloe O'Brien was running late. She hated being late. One of the things Chloe had always prided herself on was her promptness. She was never late for briefings, never late for movies, and never late when meeting friends. If at all possible, she tried to be early. It was more professional, and the more professional she could be, the fewer hassles she would have later. So if not early, then at least on time.

Except today.

The London briefing had run longer than expected, but she had counted on that. What she hadn't counted on was everyone sitting in the briefing room and chatting for another fifteen minutes. She hadn't wanted to just get up leave because she knew it would be seen as rude. And normally she wouldn't care, but she had been making an effort to be, well, nicer over the last few months. And she didn't want anyone wondering why she was in such a hurry. She was still on a bit of thin ice after helping Jack Bauer run circles around CTU nine months ago. So she sat there. She smiled and nodded where appropriate, and finally Bill Buchanan had cut everyone off and sent them back to work.

Then Edgar wanted to chat. He was like that and Chloe was more or less used to it. Chloe had even tried to reach out on her end a bit after his mother's death, but she knew she had let it go too far. The line between co-worker and friend had gotten blurred, and now he was hovering at her desk, asking her if she was "OK." For a moment, she wondered what he would say if she asked him to define the term.

"I'm fine, Edgar. I'm always fine. Don't you have something you're supposed to be doing right now?"

"I was going to reformat the-"

"Well you should do that then."

"Chloe-"

"What, Edgar?"

He took a few more steps into her space and Chloe bristled. "What. Edgar."

"Listen, you know I only want to help. You've been on edge all day, the last few weeks in fact. Is there something I can help you with?"

_Yes. _

"No. I mean, yes, I'm on edge, but no it doesn't have anything to do with anything here. I have a friend who's in a tight spot. I'm supposed to meet him for lunch and I'm running late. I have to finish my updates and go."

"It's not Tony, is it? I mean, he and Michelle are OK, aren't they?"

Chloe rolled her eyes and bit back the sharpened retort she had wanted to spit out. He was only trying to help, and it was sweet really. Irritating, but sweet. He knew she had been keeping in touch with Tony Almeida and Michelle Dessler, and like everyone else at CTU, he had no small amount of curiosity in what they were doing. But Chloe didn't have time to gossip. Not today. She was running late.

"No it's not Tony and Michelle, they're fine, it's… it's really none of your business, Edgar."

_It's just my friends' life is falling apart in front of my eyes. I have to power to stop it, but I won't. I can't. _

_And I think he might know it._

"If you have a friend in trouble, I could help you-"

"What I need you to do is leave me alone so I can finish these and get out of here."

Chloe winced inside at the hurt look in Edgar's eyes as he returned to his station, but she didn't have time to backpedal and soften the blow. Not today.

So she turned back to her desk and tuned everything out but the computer in front of her. It was her world, where the problems were something she could fix with a few strokes of a keyboard here, or a phone call there. Not like people. People problems, she was no good at fixing. And she was stuck in the middle of one of the worst people problems in her life. And she had made the problem, or helped to, at any rate. But she pushed those thoughts away and tried to finish her updates so she could leave.

As she gathered up her bag she glanced up at the director's office. With all the blinds open she had a good view into the space. Buchanan was on the phone, sitting back in his desk chair. He was smiling, so the conversation didn't seem too serious. No impending crisis, at least. She typed up a quick IM to remind Buchanan that she was taking a long lunch. She saw him read the message and he gave Chloe a quick wave to let her know she was clear to go.

Good, won't have to go up then, she thought. She knew she would save a few minutes by not having to go up and talk to Buchanan. But she would still be late. She had promised to be at the café by 12:30, her friend had a limited lunch hour, as he was trying to make up time at work and she didn't want him to run late on her account. It was unprofessional. He hated to be late, too, but he was more laid-back about it than Chloe was.

It wasn't until she hit the doors to the parking garage that she realized that being late wasn't the only thing worrying her.

She didn't want to go in the first place. At all. She had an idea what the meeting would be about, a very good idea, in fact, and she didn't want to go. She was afraid too. Afraid to get pulled into this mess any further than she was already. Afraid that she was going to say the wrong thing, or say the right thing and watch a friend destroy himself for nothing. And not for the first time since he had walked out of CTU with Tony and Michelle, Chloe cursed under her breath-

_Damn you to hell, Jack Bauer. Damn you. _


	2. Chapter 2

He looked horrible. Even from where she stood at the café entrance, Chloe O'Brien could see the slump in his posture. And there was the way he stared at his menu, not reading it, but just staring, because it took too much energy to look around. And he was sitting with his back to the main entrance. She noticed that, too. Ever since Chloe had known him, she had never seen him sit with his back to a door. He had a field agent's paranoid need to see who's coming and going, and now it looked like he didn't care. He looked defeated.

And it broke her heart.

She crossed the short distance quickly, mindful that she was almost a full ten minutes late. As she approached the small table he had gotten, she noticed other disturbing things. Dark circles under his eyes, a slight shake to his hands when he reached for his water glass, and as she came up beside him, she noticed him opening and closing his hand, a habit she thought he had lost as his rehab had completed.

Chloe cleared her throat, no matter how out of it he seemed, he was not a person you wanted to try and sneak up on. He stood to greet her, and Chloe noticed how thin he had gotten in the last few months. Taken all together, he seemed almost… transparent.

Before she could stop herself, Chloe blurted the obvious, "Oh, God, Chase you look terrible. I mean, you look-"

"I know how I look, Chlo, believe, me I know. I'm just really, really tired is all." Chase Edmunds wrapped his arms around Chloe in a tight hug. He was one of the few people Chloe allowed close to her like this, and today she was glad for it. She was afraid that if she had pulled away, it might have loosened one of the few anchors he had left, and he would drift away.

Chloe let him hold her as long as he needed to, and as he released her, he whispered, "I'm glad I could count on you." Chloe was astonished to hear how close Chase was to tears. _Please don't let this be what I think it is._

Chase waited until Chloe was settled before motioning to the waiter. He knew she didn't need to look at a menu; they had eaten here all the time after they started at CTU. It was the first place they had tried together, and they hadn't really bothered to find another. And now here they were, together again, only it seemed like she was staring at the end of something. And she felt that same fear that had grabbed her as she left CTU. _I can't deal with this, I don't want to._

The waiter took their orders and Chloe absently wondered how much of an appetite she was going to have after this was over. The waiter left and she and Chase sat there silently. Chloe watching Chase, and Chase looking down at the tablecloth, still flexing the hand he had nearly lost over two years ago.

Desperate to break the heavy silence, Chloe asked, "Problems with your hand?"

"What?" Chase looked up.

"You hand, you've been flexing it, have been having any problems?"

"No, no problems. Not with my hand anyway."

The silence descended again. This time Chloe let it rest. Obviously, Chase needed to do this his own way. Eventually, the waiter came by with their drinks and salads and Chloe began absently picking at hers.

She felt, rather than heard, the deep breath Chase took. "I need your help with something, and I don't want to cross any lines, so if you don't want to get involved-"

"Chase, I'm here, right? What do you need and how fast do you need it?"

A ghost of a smile crossed Chase's lips. "Right, get to the goods and skip the rest."

Chloe nodded.

"I need a phone number."

"That's all?" Chloe allowed a glimmer of hope to enter her heart. _Please, God, let it just be a phone number._

"It's for Kim's Aunt Carol. She's on an extended business trip of some sort on New York, but I don't have the number."

"You can't ask Kim-"

"No, Chloe. Not about this. Not yet."

"Oh." _Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!_

"Chloe, I just can't do this-"

"Chase." Impulsively, Chloe reached out for her friend's hand. Whether she did it to cut him off, or to offer support so he could continue, she wasn't sure. But the strength with which he took it and squeezed before releasing it surprised her. There was desperation in the gesture she didn't like.

"Chloe, I need to say this out loud. To somebody… to somebody who won't lie to me about it. To make sure I'm not about to make the biggest mistake of my life, of my daughter's life."

Swallowing hard, Chloe nodded, and once again cursed the man who had put her in this position. _This should be you, Jack_, she fumed, _you should be the one having to sit here and listen to this. I've been lying to him, for months and months, and he asked me here because he trusts me to tell him the truth. Damn it!_

"I know you were surprised when I called you a few weeks ago, and I'm sorry, and I know that conversation was kinda odd, but I needed to make sure we were still OK, I mean you and me. Everything's been so-"

"Chase, I already said we're fine. Anything you need."

"I know, Chloe, I just need to say this. Please stop interrupting."

"Sorry."

"I know you are, but listen. I wanted you to, I don't know. To be a touchstone. Someone who was outside and didn't really know what was going on with…"

"You and Kim?"

"Chloe!"

"Sorry. I'm shutting up now."

There was a sigh, "…but you're right. I've been so focused on… other things, that I wasn't sure where we stood anymore. Now I do. I suppose I should thank you for that at least."

A waiter came by, refilling their drinks. Chase took a long sip before beginning again, "You know that Kim's had it rough, I mean after Jack… God, even I'm still having a hard time with it," _You and me both_, Chloe thought bitterly. "Any way a few weeks ago I came home and-" Chase's voice became harsh as Chloe realized he was fighting back tears again.

Suddenly, Chloe wanted to be anywhere but at that table, in that café, in public. Even tucked away in the corner as they were, if Chase was going to break down… "Chase, we can go somewhere private, if you want, even just get in my car and drive somewhere quiet."

"No, I'm fine, I just need a minute." Chase ran a quick hand over his eyes, wiping the tears that had squeezed out. He visibly shook himself as the waiter came up with their entrees. After the waiter left, Chase pushed his plate forward without touching the food on it and crossed his arms on the table. "OK, here it is, I'm just going to say it and be done: A few weeks ago, a couple days before I called you that first time, I came home from work. Kim was asleep on the couch, so I walked back to Angie's room and checked on her. She was playing in her playpen, nothing was wrong there. It was just like any other day.

'So I went back to the living room to check in Kim. And I didn't, I couldn't really understand what I was seeing. It was like part of me just shut down, I- I froze, Chloe. I actually froze. You wouldn't have believed it."

Chloe looked down, afraid to meet Chase's eyes, afraid he'd see the lie. She wasn't entirely surprised something had happened. She knew something had been wrong with Kim for awhile; she had made an excuse to strike up a conversation with one of the neighbors a few days before Chase had called her tree weeks ago. She knew Kim had been staying in the house a lot, not going to the park with Angela as much as she had been, not meeting friends for coffee, not going window shopping, just hiding in the house all day. But Chloe hadn't said anything to anyone; she didn't think it had been her place. She just gathered the intel, like she always did. Now, she wondered if that had been wrong.

"I knew Kim had been drinking more than usual, I was planning on talking to her about it, but seeing her lying on the couch, next to an empty bottle… And I realized she's not asleep, she's actually passed out."

Chloe shuddered at the thought. Kim Bauer her passed out drunk on a couch? Chloe had been expecting something like this, but the reality of it chilled her. She had never had a great deal of respect for Kim, she had found her likable enough, she supposed, but just the thought of Jack's daughter… It hurt something unexpected in her. But what Chase said next froze her blood.

"And then next to the bottle... on the floor, like she'd been holding it when she passed out… on the floor was my gun."

Chloe's head snapped up, and it was Chase's turn to look down. He was shaking, and for the first time, Chloe saw something else in his posture. Anger.

"It was just lying there on the coffee table, my sidearm. It was loaded, Chloe, and the safety was off. It was just lying there. What if Angie had gotten out of her pen and wandered into the living room? She's managed it before. And Kim was passed out cold, and Angie could have- she could have…" Chase trailed off. "And that was my first thought, 'Angie'. Not my fiancée, lying depressed, drunk and with a gun by her hand, but my daughter. My little girl."

_Oh, God. What am I supposed to do with this?_ But before Chloe could say anything, Chase continued on:

"I didn't know what to do, I mean I put the gun away, and carried Kim to bed, but… What do you do with that?

'I ended up in Angela's room. I put her to bed and I just watched her sleep. All night I watched her. I just sat there. I think I made my decision then, Chloe. I don't want to admit it, but I think that's when I decided. The last few weeks have just been me putting it off."

Dread fell over Chloe as Chase lifted his head. Looking her straight in her eyes, Chase's words came across flatly, finally.

"I can't do this any more, Chloe. I give up. I'm leaving Kim."


	3. Chapter 3

Chloe O'Brien put her car into park and just sat in the driver's seat for a few minutes. Staring out the windshield, she realized she was shaking. Fine tremors had spread from her hands to her whole body and Chloe realized she was very close to having an actual panic attack. Taking several deep breaths, she slowly began to try and calm herself down and go over everything again before she did anything rash.

She and Chase Edmunds had talked for over an hour, and all the details of his current situation had finally come into focus. Kim Bauer was a lot worse off than Chloe had anticipated. She was far worse than even Tony Almeida had thought she might be, based on what he knew about her after her mother's murder. The more and more Chase told her, the harder it became for Chloe to reconcile the image Chase was painting with the Kim Chloe knew.

Chloe had actually seen Kim about a month after her father's funeral; she had come to CTU so Buchanan could tell her in person that the official inquiry into her father's death was going to be closed and what the final findings were. They hadn't said anything more than "Hello," and exchanged a few pleasantries, but she had seemed OK then. Tired, still grieving, but on the whole, pretty together. But according to Chase, that's when she really started to fall apart.

Chloe had never really been involved in the official inquiry beyond answering the questions she was asked and making sure nothing could point back to her or her co-conspirators. At the time, she was more worried about making sure the false IDs she had set up for Jack were solid, and in taking care of her friend Andrew, who had been injured in all of the insanity during the chaos of that day. Sometime during the investigation, she knew, some eager beaver trying to score points with Secretary Heller had floated the theory that the phone call Jack had gotten right before he "tried to escape" was actually a warning of some sort. What Chloe didn't know was that the Secretary, wanting to spare Kim the shame of knowing her father died trying to run away from prosecution, had passed the theory on. Kim had latched onto it, but when Buchanan denied everything, calling the phone call nothing more than a coincidence, she had nothing left to hold onto. Jack ran, he died. She was an orphan. End of story.

The nightmares Kim had just started getting over returned with a vengeance. She became increasingly paranoid about Chase's job. He had been the head of the security force for a large, affluent business complex full of info tech companies, a couple of dot coms, and a few private businesses. He was required to be armed, but he hadn't pulled a gun in the line of duty since he'd left CTU. He once jokingly told Chloe that the most dangerous part of his job were the lawyers in the north building. But to Kim, it was still security, protection, enforcement, and therefore, danger. So he left that job and found one in a smaller company, one closer to home and that didn't require a gun, so he could be there for Kim more. It didn't help.

She stopped sleeping, and was barely eating. She withdrew from Chase, closing herself off like she was afraid he was going to hurt her. The only thing that could draw her out was his daughter, Angela. But Chase said even that was a double-edged sword, as she was increasingly worried about leaving her with the sitter, or taking her out in public. She seemed afraid someone would take her as she had been taken.

Chase had tried to get her help, but like her father, she stubbornly insisted she didn't need it. She'd work it out on her own. Chase said she had good days, good weeks even, but as time progressed, those good days were getting fewer and farther between. And the more he pressed her to get help, the more she pulled away, accusing him of trying to control her, or of not trusting her anymore. He said the phrase, "You're not my father," had been shouted more than once.

She started to have a drink in the evenings to try and help her sleep, sometimes two, or three. And then there was the day Chase had found her on the couch. He hadn't known she had been drinking during the day. The thought of Kim alone in the house with his daughter, drinking, terrified him. The potential for disaster… So he issued an ultimatum. Get help, or he was leaving her. Alone. He was taking his daughter somewhere Kim couldn't put her in danger, intentionally or otherwise. He would walk away.

And Chloe knew she could stop it. All she had to do was tell them the truth.

She looked down at her hands and realized she was still shaking. _I can't do this alone. I need help._

Chloe picked up her phone and called CTU. "Buchanan."

"Sir, it's Chloe… I kinda need to take the rest of the day off."

There was a pause and could hear the concern in his voice when he asked, "Chloe, is something wrong? Do you need help?"

"No, I just need to take care of something and it really needs to be this afternoon. I don't have any priority work that Edgar can't handle right now and Agent Tyler isn't supposed to check in until tomorrow. Curtis has all the satellite footage he needs to plan the Sandovar raid, and that isn't going live until tonight, and besides that's not really mine anyway I was just helping-"

"Chloe, enough. If you need the afternoon, you can have it. I trust you. So long as you're reachable by phone, I'm sure we'll be fine. Can you tell me what this is about?"

_Oh, what the hell. _Chloe thought_. Let's tell the truth for once._ "It's about Kim Bauer, sir. And I'd really rather not talk about it, I just need to take care of it."

"Did she find out about the surveillance?"

"No." _Thank God_. "She doesn't know the Chinese had her under surveillance. It's just, personal. It's... personal."

"All right, then. Take the afternoon; let me know if you need tomorrow as well. If Kim needs something, I want to make sure she gets it."

"Thank you, sir."

"Call if you need anything."

Chloe's shaking subsided a bit and she took another deep breath. After a few more minutes, when she felt she had herself under more control, she stepped out of the car and looked at the house she had parked in front of. She had driven here directly from the café without even thinking. She didn't have anywhere else to go.

She locked her car and started up the walk. Just before she reached the door, it swung open.

"We were taking bets as to how much longer you were going to sit out there." Tony Almeida said, motioning her inside. Chloe entered the home wearily, still trying to figure out exactly what she was going to say. Tony's wife, Michelle Dessler, was standing at the kitchen island, making a cup of tea.

"Who won?" Chloe asked absently. Tony took her coat and set it on a chair.

"She did," Tony smiled, "she usually does."

Michelle arched an eyebrow at Tony as she crossed the floor and handed Chloe the cup of tea. "You looked like you needed this, come on in and have a seat." Chloe took comfort in the idea that they had been watching her, but hadn't intruded. She guessed they remembered how much she hated being interrupted.

Chloe allowed her former bosses to lead her into the living room, and she almost missed the concerned look they shared over her head as she sat down. Almost. Tony and Michelle sat together on the couch next to Chloe's chair. She cradled the tea in her hands without drinking. They were still trembling.

After another shared look, Michelle began hesitantly, "Chloe, does Bill know you're here?"

"I called him from the car."

Another look. Chloe could see the unasked questions in their eyes, and the fact that they almost seemed afraid to ask them told Chloe how bad she must look. Their concern was written on their faces. It made her slightly uncomfortable. She set the tea on the coffee table in front of her and let her eyes wander the room. She had never been to their home, she could see the entrance to their shared home office off the living room and it triggered a random thought.

"How's business? Must be nice, not having to go into an office everyday."

"Chloe, what's-" Tony began, but Chloe cut him off by standing suddenly. She couldn't take their worried gazes anymore- she had to move.

"I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry, but I really can't. All the lying, the sneaking around. I just can't." Chloe bolted across the room, the panic she'd been fighting driving her to pout out her thoughts. "Everyone trusts me. Everyday I go to work with people who trust me and I lie to them. I'm stealing government resources to help a dead man, and I'm a federal agent. I'm watching one of my oldest friends, someone I've known longer than you guys, longer than him, tear himself apart and I'm sitting there lying to his face. He's coming to me for help with something that's MY FAULT, and I'm lying, over and over, and… and… he's my friend, I've had his life in my hands, and all I have to do is tell him-"

"Chloe!" Tony crossed the room to her and put his hands on her crossed arms. He leaned down, locked her tear-filled eyes with his, and spoke softly. "Chloe, you need to slow down." He began to gently rub his hands on her arms, like he was comforting a frightened child, and he slowly led her back to the couch and sat her next to Michelle.

Tony sat on the coffee table in front of her, and took her shaking hands in his. But when she felt Michelle's arm reach over her shoulder in comfort, Chloe gave up. Here with her friends, with the people she didn't have to lie to, she could let go. She began sobbing uncontrollably, all of the frustration of the last few weeks and the worry of the last few months came pouring out. Michelle simply held her as she shook with the power of the pain she had been holding inside.

No words were spoken, and the only sound was Chloe's grief.


	4. Chapter 4

Chloe O'Brien stood in the bathroom running a washcloth over her eyes. The cooling sensation alone helped her feel better, more together. She couldn't believe she had fallen apart like that, in front of Tony and Michelle. It was… unprofessional to say the very least. She carefully hung the cloth on the rack by the sink and studied her face in the mirror. There was something she didn't recognize, a hollowness that worried her. The familiarity of the look took her by surprise. It was the same look that had been on Chase Edmunds' face just hours earlier. It was surrender, the look of giving up.

_No. I won't. I can't. At least, not yet._

Chloe shook herself and steeled her face back to its usual even, yet stern expression. Aside from her reddened eyes, you wouldn't believe she had been crying hysterically less than half an hour ago. Taking one final deep breath, she exited the bathroom and turned down the hall to return to the living room. As she reached the end of the hallway, her friends' voices made her pause.

"Tony, you just said it yourself, a call from Jack wouldn't do this to her. If he were in trouble, he would just deal with it, like he always does. He wouldn't involve Chloe; the exposure would be too great."

Chloe could hear the frustration in Tony Almeida's voice as he replied to his wife, "I know, I know. It's just I've never seen Chloe so… And I can't figure out who could throw her into a panic like that. I mean, this _is_ Chloe we're talking about here."

"But what if I'm right? What if it _is_ Chase she's talking about? Chloe said 'he' several times, and they were good friends before he left CTU." Michelle Dessler sighed.

Tony didn't reply, and Chloe stayed out of sight.

"Tony, we both know Kim's been having problems. But this could be a good thing; if Chase is finally reaching out for help then maybe we can…"

"He doesn't want help. At least not the kind you're talking about." Chloe stepped out of the hall.

Tony turned from the window he had been staring out of, and Michelle rose from the couch. She was about to cross over to Chloe, but she stopped Michelle with a gesture. "I'm fine now. Sorry about that… thing you saw. I'm not usually-"

Tony shook his head. "Nothing to apologize for. You've been under a lot of pressure. Michelle and I could be helping more with-"

"With what?" Chloe challenged, shaking her head. "It's not like either of you have security clearances anymore, so you're no good to Jack if he gets in trouble, it also makes you pretty useless in making sure no one at CTU finds out what we did." Chloe began to cross toward the window where Tony stood. "And President Palmer still makes headlines whenever he crosses a room, so it's not like he can help with all the sneaking around."

Michelle started to speak, but Chloe kept going. "Besides, you guys deserve this. You deserve your life here, away from all of this. And Jack would agree with me, you know he would, so that's it, really."

Chloe crossed back to the chair she had been sitting in earlier, and chose to ignore the looks that Tony and Michelle had been exchanging. She could see the concealed smiles as they realized that the "normal" no-nonsense Chloe had returned. She sat down and waited until they had done the same.

"OK, I guess you're right. But that still-"

"Tony, it doesn't change anything. I'm the only one in a position to do it, so I'm doing it. That's it. I just need help figuring out what to do with this… new situation that's been dropped on me."

Michelle fixed Chloe with her gaze, at the same time sympathetic and resolute. "What happened, and what do you need from us."

Chloe took another deep breath, and quickly sketched in what Chase had told her. Chase finding Kim on the couch, his ultimatum, Kim's avoidance of the issue and the arguments they were having, and she finished with Chase's decision to leave Kim and move in with his sister for awhile.

Michelle sat there, on the couch, looking down, absently playing with a curl that had pulled out of the ponytail she was wearing. She let out a small sigh when Chloe was finished. But then there was Tony.

Tony's reaction surprised her. He sat next to his wife, his face an almost unreadable mask and when Chloe was finished he rose and returned to the window he had been looking out before.

"Her father's daughter…" Tony's voice trailed off.

"What do you mean?" Michelle asked. Her husband remained silent. "Tony?"

Tony turned to face Michelle. "You never saw Jack at his worst, after his wife was killed… What you saw the day he came back, Michelle, when President Palmer called him back- that was a vast improvement over what I'd seen the last time I saw him. That man, you would cross the street to avoid." Running a hand over his eyes, he turned to Chloe. "Mason sent me to his place about three months after Teri died; some follow-up nonsense.

'Jack let me in without too much fuss. He looked like he hadn't slept since the funeral, had hardly eaten, just… rough, beaten. There was this emptiness… I think… it scared me a bit." Tony paused, collecting his thoughts, "Chloe, can I ask you something?"

"Um, OK."

"When Chase found Kim, was there anything else in the room, on the coffee table, by her hand..?"

Chloe thought back to her lunch. Chase had been so upset, he'd gone over the moment when he'd found Kim with the gun several times. Chloe tried to push her own anger and anguish aside and just think about the words he had used.

"_I can still see her, Chlo. I don't want to, but I see her lying there and I can't push it away. And she looks so old, especially next to the kid in that damn picture she had."_

Chloe furrowed her brow, "How did you know there was something else?"

"Like I said, her father's daughter. It was a picture wasn't it? Probably the one with her and her parents. It was taken shortly before Teri died."

"Yeah, that one. Chase said it was on the coffee table, she'd spend hours just looking at it. But still, how-"

"When I went to see Jack, he offered me a drink. He went up into the kitchen area, and I was standing next to his desk. One of the drawers was partially open. On top of some papers were that picture, and a handgun. Loaded. Safety off."

Michelle gasped, "What did you do?"

"Nothing. I just closed the drawer all the way, and didn't say anything. I don't think Jack even knew I saw it at the time."

"Tony!"

"I know! Believe me, you have no idea how many hours I spent lying awake wondering when, if… So I went back a week later, and called him on it."

Chloe jumped in, "And?"

"He told me he was tempted. He'd open the drawer and pick up the gun. Feel its weight; imagine everything just ending, all the pain, the guilt. He said the picture was there to remind him that there was still someone who needed him alive. Even if Kim wasn't talking to him at the time." Tony's voice dropped to almost a whisper, "God, what Kim must think when she sees that picture, now. I almost wonder if she's using it to steel herself up for-"

"Tony!" Michelle gasped.

"I know, Michelle. I know. But maybe Chase is right; maybe leaving will shake her up enough to snap her back into the present instead of dwelling on the past."

"I doubt it, Tony."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because it didn't work on you."

Chloe shifted nervously in her seat, she'd never heard Michelle reference her divorce from Tony like that. And the parallel between the two situations took her by surprise.

Michelle continued, holding Tony's gaze with her own, "I know how Chase feels, watching someone he loves fall apart. And believe me; I sympathize with wanting to shock her into, something. But, Tony, you know she'll just fall farther into her depression, and, honestly, I don't think Kim has any friends that would get backed into a gunfight and…"

"Um, guys, memory lane is really nice and depressing and all, but this isn't helping me." Chloe looked at both Tony and Michelle, pulling them back into the matter at hand.

"Sorry, Chloe." Michelle shook herself turned back to her friend. "You said Chase was asking you for Carol's number, is that-"

"Please, Carol's at the Pendleton near the park; I already knew that in case Jack asked about her next time I called him. Getting the number is easy, that's not what I need help with."

"Well, Chloe, since you've already pointed out our uselessness, what do you need help with?" Tony came closer to Chloe and sat on the edge of the coffee table in front of her. "I mean, Michelle and I could talk to Kim-"

"Oh, God, no! Tony, don't go and see her, she's a mess and you'll make it worse."

"I figured that after she threatened me with a restraining order last time I went over to check on her, but what do you need us to do?"

Michelle nodded. "Anything Chloe, what can we do?"

_You're going to hate me for this._

"Chloe?" Michelle asked softly.

"I'm going to talk to Kim and Chase and I need you to help me figure out what to say."

She could see the confusion on their faces, and Tony asked the question on both their minds, "Talk to them about what, Chloe?" His voice had changed from concerned to cautious.

Taking a deep breath, Chloe looked Tony straight in the eye, "I told you before, I can't do this anymore, all the lies. I'm done.

'I'm telling them Jack's alive."


	5. Chapter 5

The argument had been raging for almost two hours and Chloe O'Brien was bored and tired. The stress of the day was taking its toll and she still had one more task to finish tonight before she collapsed in her bed. Not the most patient person to begin with, Chloe was approaching her wit's end.

Tony was pacing the living room and Michelle was sitting on the edge of the couch, her head in her hands. Looking at them, Chloe supposed they were her friends, she had known them for years, and she trusted them with her life, but right now they didn't seem to be paying much attention to what she was saying. All three of them were just talking in circles.

"But Michelle, Kim working at CTU while Jack was undercover is completely different. Yes, she couldn't tell anyone where he was, but she could admit he existed and tell people, like the rest of her family, that he was fine. I honestly don't think she'd be able to do it this way long-term." He sighed. "Sweetheart, we went over all of this when Jack left."

"I know, but _then_ we thought that Kim would be able to deal with this and eventually heal, but it's pretty obvious now that she can't. I know we shouldn't, that we decided we wouldn't, but there has to be _something_ we can do."

Chloe interrupted before Tony could respond, "You guys do know that you're repeating yourselves now, don't you? I mean, we're not getting anywhere."

Michelle turned to face Chloe again. "I know, but we have to make sure we're all on the same page before you go any further. Jack's trusting us with his life, we have to be careful, Chloe."

Frustrated Chloe snapped, "Fine. We'll just let Chase's family fall apart. Angela won't have a Mom, Chase won't have a wife, and Kim won't have anyone. At least my way, even if for some reason Chase still leaves, Kim has her Dad back. Even if she can't see him."

"Or talk to him?" Tony asked softly.

Chloe paused, "What are you talking about?"

"Chloe- you're the only one who knows Jack's current contact protocol, you're the only one who talks to him. Ever."

She was stunned, "Wait a minute, you mean you guys have never-"

"No," Michelle began, "Neither Tony or I have spoken to Jack since we dropped him off at the train yard. You're the only one who has."

Tony crossed back to Chloe, once again sitting on the coffee table in front of her. "Jack never gave us the number of the phone you gave him, and I'm pretty sure he dumped it awhile back even if he had, am I right?" Chloe nodded. "We can't reach him, and the only reason he'd reach out to us is if you missed three of your scheduled calls in a row. That was the deal."

"But I thought- I mean- Why?" Chloe stammered. She was floored at the amount of trust that implied. She knew Jack had trusted her enough to let her help fake his death, but she always assumed that had been a matter of necessity. But this, to be his only contact, the only one who could reach him if something went terribly wrong. The only one who could tell him to run, to hide, or to stay put. The enormity of it was crushing, and Chloe stood, crossing to where Tony had been pacing moments before.

Michelle followed Chloe with her eyes, and after a brief glance she stated, "Because you're the only one who can, Chloe. You said it yourself earlier, Tony and I don't have any sort of security clearance anymore, so if something came up, we'd likely never see it in time. And I'm good at securing communication lines, but even when we were both at CTU, you were better. And now I don't have ready access to the kind of technology I would need to do a proper job if we did have to change something on the fly."

"But most importantly, Chloe," Tony began, "you're not his friend. At least not like Michelle and I are. You were co-workers, and you're able to think more than Michelle and I might be able to. There's more distance between you."

Chloe moved to the window, and as she looked out, she asked, "I'm on point. Great. So what? Kim could still talk to him; you guys could talk to him. What's stopping you?"

"What's stopping the Chinese from putting us under surveillance again?" Tony countered. "Three months ago, Chloe. It was only three months ago that you discovered we were being watched, and that was only when you discovered the tap on your phone. Your phone. Michelle and I didn't know and I'm assuming Kim still doesn't know. You got lucky that you didn't contact Jack while you were being watched. Chloe, if we had been in contact with him, too…"

…_that would have been that many more chances to screw up_. Chloe kept her face to the window, "So Kim wouldn't call. I could still relay messages, mail out the occasional note, I've sent him stuff before, but the point is that she would know. She wouldn't have to hurt anymore; she wouldn't have to hurt Chase. She would know the truth."

"What truth, Chloe?" Tony crossed to the window and pulled Chloe around to face him. "That her father lied and ran away? That he may still be alive, but she will never see him again. Never see him hold his grandchildren, or walk his little girl down the aisle at her wedding? Wouldn't that be a worse hell than the one she's in now?

'Kim has a chance at closure with Jack dead. There's something she can let go of. But if she knows he's out there, it's going to hang there and it won't fade with time. Chloe, it could haunt her worse than the ghosts she carries now."

Chloe said nothing, and she turned back to the window as Tony continued, "Do you think that this doesn't hurt me, Chloe? It does. I thought nothing could be worse than having to tell a traumatized fifteen-year-old that her mother had been murdered just down the hall. Inside the one building they should have been safe in. But I was wrong. Having to tell Kim that Jack was dead, that after all the fighting they had done to rebuild their relationship over the years, after everything they had endured… This is my best friend's daughter, Chloe. This is his partner and his partner's daughter. These are the people I'm supposed to protect if he can't. But I can't fix this, none of us can. At some point we just have to let it go."

Chloe rounded on Tony, "So I'm just supposed to walk away is that it? I'm just supposed to let Chase leave her- and do nothing!"

"Yes."

"I can't do that, I've never left someone like that, just out there. It's like, like hanging up on a field agent in the middle of an operation. It's wrong."

It was Michelle's turn to speak. "You're right." _I am?_ "It is wrong. I feel it, too. But so is telling Kim about Jack without being able to give her any hope. We don't like it, and it's going to keep us up nights for the rest of our lives, but ultimately, couldn't it be the lesser of two evils?"

Chloe didn't reply. She didn't nod, or shake her head. She turned back to the window and hung her head, tears returning to sting her eyes. She spent almost a full minute that way, acutely aware of her friend's eyes on her. But she wouldn't agree or disagree.

Finally Chloe sighed and tried to speak, "But what do I…" She couldn't finish. She just stood there, trying to swallow the tears before they overwhelmed her again.

"Chloe?" Tony reached out a hand and put it on her shoulder. "What is it?"

Chloe turned her head to look at him. "I have to call Jack tonight. What do I tell him?"

"Chloe-"

"Well, since you seem to be the expert at what I should and shouldn't be saying, Tony; how do I tell Jack about Chase and Kim?"

Tony looked at his wife, and Chloe could see the heartbroken look in their eyes. Realization dawned on Chloe and she felt her heart plummet. "No," she started, backing away from Tony, "you can't ask me to do that. No."

Michelle stood, and walked over to stand by her husband. "I'm sorry Chloe, but you know Jack. Think about how you feel about lying to Kim in her condition, and imagine how he will feel."

"But I'm the only person who can tell him what's going on!"

Nodding, Michelle continued, "And that's why he won't question it if you leave things out. There'll be no contradiction."

"I can't believe you think I'll actually go through with this, Michelle."

"Chloe, what choice do you have? The only way to keep Jack safe is to keep him as far away from here as possible. He has to move on, too. He has to let go."

"You want me to lie to Jack. About Kim. Are you crazy? This is Jack- he'll kill me. Slowly." _I can't, please dear God, don't ask me to lie to him, too!_

Tony began again, "But if you're the only person he's talking to, how will he know anything different from what you tell him?"

"But it's Kim."

"All the more reason to hide the truth. If he finds out how badly she's doing, he'll want to be here, and to comfort her."

"And you think he'll break cover."

"No, actually, I don't think he will." Tony ran a hand through his hair. "He won't break cover, if he does, he'll put Kim at risk. He'll put you at risk. And President Palmer, and Michelle and me. Anyone who backed us up when we spun our story would be at risk because they helped build a wall between the Chinese and Jack, even though they were deceived. So he won't do anything. He'll just be out there, alone and suffering because he can't help the one person who has always depended on him."

"So, I'm lying to Jack, too. That's just perfect. Is there anyone I can tell the truth to?"

Michelle took Chloe's hand, "I wish there were. But I think you'll end up having to lie to us, too, eventually. And I'm positive that you've been lied to. Do you really think Jack's told you everything? Do you think we have?"

"Michelle-" Tony warned.

"It's OK, Tony; I'm just making a point. Chloe, it's an awful truth. But what we don't know could be what keeps us from doing something that could expose us, endanger us, or even kill us."

"This sucks." Chloe wandered over to the kitchen chair Tony had set her coat on earlier. "I need to go, I- I can't be here when I call Jack and I don't want to be late."

Tony followed her and helped her with her coat. "Chloe, I know you don't like this, and I'm pretty sure it's going to get worse before it gets better. And I'm not sure how much we'll be able to help you, if at all."

"Oh, well thanks for that, Tony. That's a real load off."

"Chloe." She stopped. "We _are_ here. Michelle and I are here. We may not be able to do much, but what we can do, we will. That's a promise."

Impulsively, Chloe reached out and gave Tony a quick hug. "That means a lot. Thanks." She smiled at the surprise on his face when she pulled away. "Sorry."

Chloe turned her head at the soft laughter coming from the living room, "That's _my_ husband, Chloe. You should go find one of your own." She came up behind Tony and gave him a quick hug. "I fought for this one, he's mine."

Chloe laughed, "Guess you did."

Tony turned and gave Michelle a quick kiss. "I'm going to walk Chloe out to her car, or do you think I need an escort?"

Wrinkling her nose, she shook her head, "No, it's just out to the car; I think you'll be OK. I'll watch from the window, though."

Tony laughed and opened the door. Chloe walked out and Tony followed her. Neither of them spoke until they reached the car, and as Chloe opened her door, Tony stopped her with a hand on her arm. "You never said what you were going to do with Chase and Kim…"

"I don't know. I have to think about it. I really do."

He nodded. "Do that. But please keep something in mind."

"What?"

"Sometimes it really does hurt less to just walk away. Do what you need to do, but just walk away when you're done. If you don't you could drown. And I'd hate to see you as hurt as Kim or Chase."

Chloe nodded, got in her car and started her engine. Her eyes followed Tony as he started back up to the house, and she giggled when she saw that Michelle had indeed, watched from the kitchen window. Chloe waved, and Michelle returned the gesture before turning back into the house.

As Chloe drove away she couldn't decide if the trip had been worth it. Earlier, she thought it had been so clear, just tell Kim and Chase the truth. They could patch things up, and everything would continue. They would be happy. But now she wasn't sure. Tony's and Michelle's words echoed in her ears, and she couldn't deny anything they had said. For all the lies in her life these days, she knew in her heart that they were telling her the truth. And that's what hurt the most.

_What am I going to do?_


	6. Chapter 6

Chloe stared at the phone in her hand. She had been sitting at her desk at home for the last ten minutes, just looking at her phone. To scared to call, too scared not to. Tony's words rang in her ears, _Sometimes it really does hurt less to just walk away_. She had less than five minutes to make up her mind. Or, she reckoned, another week. Jack knew what CTU schedules were like, he knew there would be times she couldn't call, and if she missed a time, he knew there be a call the next week. It had happened before. It would probably happen again.

But not tonight. Chloe _could_ call, she was at home. It would be just another lie in the string that Chloe was rapidly approaching. Not calling Jack now would be… an act of cowardice. It wouldn't be walking away, it would be running away. Hiding.

_Isn't that what I'm doing anyway?_ Chloe shook her head, trying to shake out the opposing voices. _I'm hiding the truth about Kim from Jack, I'm hiding the truth about Jack from Kim, and in the end, I'm going to lie to myself and tell myself I don't care._

_This sucks._

The phone stayed in Chloe's hand, though. As much as she wanted to put it back in the cradle, to deal with this problem later, she knew she couldn't. Jack was alone. Tony and Michelle were right; she really was all he had, now that he was dead. And he trusted her.

_This really sucks._

Chloe checked her VOIP to make sure it was routed and encrypted correctly. She wouldn't take any risks she didn't have to. As she dialed the phone, she prayed he wouldn't answer. That he'd be in a crowd, or away from the new phone she'd sent him after she realized the Chinese were watching.

The Chinese. God that had scared her. Tony and Michelle had been right; there were things she wouldn't tell them. Like the fact she had been holding the phone in her hand to call Jack when she realized her system had been compromised. Another minute and the Chinese would have known. Another minute and they would have had all the information they needed to find Jack, and take him away for good.

As soon as she had re-secured her system, she called Jack to set-up new contact protocols. She remembered the pause on the other end of the line before he asked her if it would be better if she didn't call him anymore. Chloe hadn't even hesitated, _Don't be silly,_ she said, _we'll just be more careful. I'm not leaving you out there alone; you'll get bored and start a riot or something._ And with a gentle laugh over the phone, the matter was settled.

_OK, Chloe. You're the boss_. He said. _I'll trust you to take care of it._

_I'll trust you_… Chloe could hear his voice as clearly as if he were standing next to her. He trusted her to protect him. He trusted her to do whatever she needed to do to keep him safe. And that was the rub, wasn't it? Deep down, Chloe knew he would understand. He would understand that she had lied to him in order to protect him. And he would probably thank her for it. Of course, Chloe had to admit there would probably be a fair amount of yelling at her first.

The phone rang again on the other end. Another ring and protocol dictated that she hang up and wait until the next calling time.

"Hello?"

_Here goes..._ "Hi, it's me... You OK to talk?"

"Yeah."

"Um…Still in Santa Fe?"

"No, I headed north two weeks ago, I'm in Chicago."

"Chicago?"

There was a tired laugh on the line, "Yeah, figured I'd see what Tony was always going on about. Frankly, I'm not too impressed. But it's close to the Canadian border. Just in case." There was a pause. "Are you OK? You sound a little more… distracted than usual."

"It's been a long day. I'm fine. Where in Chicago are you?"

"Here and there, I don't have a place yet. I'm working for a construction company that's not too particular about keeping employment records, been bunking with whatever co-worker can stand me for the moment."

"Should I make sure no one looks too closely at that company? INS, Chicago PD?"

"No. We had a deal, no interventions, no misdirections, Chloe. Too risky. I'll be fine."

"Right, sorry. Forgot."

Jack paused again, "Chloe, are you sure you're OK?"

"No. Yes. I-" She could tell him now, Chloe thought. She could end this.

_I could get him killed. _

"Chloe? Is something wrong?"

_He trusts me. He needs me to protect him._

"Chloe!"

_Even from the truth_.

"I'm fine. Like I said, long day. Had lunch with Chase today, guess I'm a little distracted."

The line fell silent. Chloe could hear Jack struggling, trying to find the words to the questions he desperately needed to ask.

"Did he..? How-"

"He's fine." There, she said it. _First lie down_.

"And…"

"It's been hard. But she's holding on." _Second lie_. "It's just taking time, but I think she'll be fine." _Third lie_.

"Thank God. Chloe, promise me you'll keep an eye on her. Please?" The request was almost a plea. She could hear his desperate need to know that his daughter was safe and his acute pain to not be the one protecting her. And Chloe knew that keeping the truth from him was the best thing she could do for him.

"I promise." _The truth_.

"Anything else I need to know?"

_Everything I know and nothing I can tell you._

"Tony and Michelle say, "Hi," I'm sure they'd like to hear from you, should I give-"

"No, Chloe. I can't." Chloe could hear the homesickness in his voice. "I can't. But can you tell them-"

"Sure, fine. No problem."

All of a sudden, Chloe had to get off the phone. She couldn't do it anymore, she couldn't breathe, "Jack, I have to go, I have to-"

"I understand, Chloe. I'm sorry I've kept you." There was no hesitation in his voice, nothing to indicate he didn't beleive every word she said. "Chloe, I know this is a burden for you..."

_No, please I can't take this_, "Jack, it _is_ fine, really. You need me. I'm here. Listen, I… I really need to go now." Chloe fought to keep the tears from sounding in her voice.

"Thank you." Sincerity, no suspicion. "Please, about Kim…"

"I'll watch her. She won't even know." Chloe choked, digging the hole she was in deeper. _How long can I keep this up?_

"Same time next month?"

_As long as I need to_. "Yes."

There was a soft click and the line went dead. Chloe held the phone for another minute, fighting her tears, before she put it back in the cradle with a shaking hand. She stood and began to cross the floor toward the kitchen area, determined to get a drink of something stronger than the soda at her desk. But with each step, her breath became more ragged, and the tears came closer to the surface. Before she was halfway across the living room, her legs gave way and she collapsed on the floor.

As she struggled to pull her emotions back in check, a bitter realization came over her. These weren't tears of guilt or despair. They were tears of pain… and relief. They were the tears she had shed for her friend Andrew after his capture and rescue. Pain at what he had suffered, and the long recovery he would have. Relief that it was over, he was safe.

She was safe. She had lied to Jack, and he hadn't noticed. Nor would he ever, she realized. He would never call Tony and Michelle to double-check what she told him, and he was never coming home.

She had lied. She was safe.

_I'm damned._


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N- there may/may not be an epilogue, set post Day 5. If ya'll want it, I'll write it, otherwise this is the final chaper. Thanks for the reviews!_

This time Chloe made sure she got to the café early.

She had waited two days to call Chase back and give him the number for Kim's aunt; she couldn't take talking to him so soon after her conversation with Jack. If she was going to be lying to everyone under the sun, she figured she ought to ease into it. After all, it wasn't really her strong suit. Awkward and inappropriate honesty, yes. Deceitful scheming, no. The last thing she wanted was to end up hysterical at Michelle's and Tony's house again. It was embarrassing. So she buried herself in work, not hard after just walking out for an entire afternoon, and then she called him.

Chase hadn't even blinked at Chloe's feeble excuse for the delay; he just took down the number and thanked Chloe for her help. Days passed and she heard nothing. Chloe assumed Chase had called Carol right away and worked something out, but part of her had wondered if, just maybe, Chase had second thoughts. Maybe he hadn't gone through with it. Maybe they were working something out. After a week had passed, Chloe thought she might be right and she pushed it out of her mind. But just when she was getting back to her routine, she got the e-mail. It was short, it was to the point, and it was from Kim.

_Chloe, I need to see you. Are you free tomorrow? _

So here she was, sitting at the same café she had met Chase at, and she was waiting.

And worrying. Kim hadn't specified what she wanted to meet about when Chloe replied to her e-mail, and Kim didn't pick up the phone when Chloe called. And Chloe didn't dare call Chase and find out, she wasn't sure he needed to know Kim had contacted her. Chloe idly wondered if this was how children of divorced parents felt, not sure who to tell what about whom. She wasn't sure how far into this she could afford to get pulled before she was in over her head. Better to just find out from Kim.

_At least this way I can tell Jack I saw her without having to lie. I might have to gloss over what we talk about, but I can say I saw her._ It made Chloe uneasy at how much easier it was getting to think about lying to Jack, and how much easier it was to hedge the truth. She thought she should feel worse, and she didn't. She stopped herself short of wondering if it wasn't because she was getting better at lying to herself.

"What the hell gives you the right, O'Brien?" The anger filled voice came from right behind her, slicing through Chloe's wandering thoughts.

"Kim, I'm sorry, I-" But Kim didn't let Chloe finish as she came around the table and sat opposite, slamming her purse down on the table hard enough to make the silverware jump.

_This is not going to go well._

"You gave Chase my Aunt's phone number, Chloe. _My_ Aunt, _my_ fiancée, _my_ business- not yours!" Kim hissed. "What the hell were you thinking!"

Chloe looked around the crowded tables, where a few of the patrons were giving nervous glances in their direction. Chloe hurriedly motioned to Kim to keep it down, "Kim, he called me, he wanted to see me, he was worried about you."

"No kidding, but it would have been nice for him to talk to _me_ about it instead letting you make him feel good about walking out on me."

"I- He- I'm sorry?" Chloe stammered.

"You didn't even bother to find out, did you? You didn't even consider looking at my side, or calling me so maybe _I_ could do something about _my_ relationship, you just covered for him, like you used to at CTU, didn't you? Let him go about doing whatever he damn well pleases like it's OK."

Chloe had to admit Kim had a point. Chloe didn't really know her that well, they hadn't worked together for very long, and it's not like Chloe was all that great at getting to know people anyway. And this was Jack's daughter; Chloe wondered if she hadn't made a huge mistake in just assuming Kim would fall apart, she had been through a lot in her life and had come out more or less intact. Chloe really hadn't wanted to get in the middle of everything, but if she had just pushed Chase back a little…

She couldn't deny it, when Chase called she had just jumped into action. She had just taken Chase's word for everything, like she always had, and she realized that that maybe wasn't the best course of action. Chase wasn't perfect, and he did tend to make rash decisions. After all, Chase had been pretty shoddy at relationships before Kim and Chloe could remember how a few of those had ended. Arguments, accusations, and finally… Chloe thought that having a family had settled him.

_Did I make a mistake? Is Chase over-reacting?_

Kim was looking Chloe right in the eye and Chloe couldn't help but see the rage behind them. _So much like her father._ Chloe thought, and realized that she was in dangerous territory. Taking a deep breath and praying there wouldn't be a scene, Chloe held Kim's gaze. "I'm not covering for him, you make it sound like I- like I'm taking sides. I'm not; it was just a phone number. Besides, he could have just waited for your Aunt to get back from her trip anyway, so I figured it wouldn't matter."

Kim shook her head, "No- it _would_ have mattered, Chloe. In another week, Chase would have calmed down more and even if he had still called, Aunt Carol would have been much calmer. Instead she was interrupted during a business meeting for a 'family emergency' and she comes raging back here thinking I'm suicidal! She set up camp in my house for three days while Chase moved his and Angela's stuff out. I couldn't even talk to him! And if Chase _had_ waited, or told me what he was thinking, I could have explained about that night. But no. He just off and jumped to conclusions and issued ultimatums." She looked down. "Not that it would have mattered; he hasn't been really listening to me for months now. He has no idea…"

Chloe was stunned and struggled with what to say next. "Kim, I don't want to, I mean I'm not good at… Chase said you were passed out next to an empty bottle and you had a gun. That's not good."

"You believe...?" Kim rolled her eyes in exasperation, "Why am I even surprised? Chloe, Angie had been sick almost all week, Chase and I were arguing so I hadn't slept in almost four days. And there are other… So I had a drink to calm my nerves. It went right to my head and I fell asleep. Hard."

"He said you'd been drinking for a few weeks…"

"No more than he has. Did he tell you that? We're not raging alcoholics here, we're under a lot of stress and neither of us is dealing with it all that well."

"No, but Kim…" Chloe felt like she was rapidly losing ground. "Chase said he found you with a gun…"

"Fine. Let's just do the whole damn thing." Kim began to tick points off her fingers, "One, there was only one drink left in the bottle. Two, I would never give up like that, I would never just leave like…" Kim trailed off before shaking herself back, "And three, the gun wasn't for me, it was for whoever's been driving by my house for the last few months." Kim snapped, and Chloe's heart jumped into her throat. "He drove by as I was having my drink, and I was afraid he'd stop. I wanted to be able to protect Angela."

Looking down at her hands again, Kim continued oblivious to the shock and surprise on Chloe's face. "So I sat on the couch, where I could see the door and the street outside the living room windows, and I waited." Her eyes rose and locked with Chloe's again, begging her to understand. "I fell asleep, Chloe, and I was so exhausted I didn't hear Chase when he came in. When I woke up I was in bed, and I assumed I'd gotten up at some point and moved there. Chase never said anything until it was, 'Get help or I'm gone.' He wouldn't even let me try to explain. I'd never put Angela at risk, it was an accident I fell asleep like that."

"There's someone driving by your place?"_ Shit, the Chinese!_

"Yeah," Kim shuddered, "on and off since Dad died. Chase thought it was friends of my Dad's at first, checking up on us, but now he doesn't even believe me; he thinks I'm paranoid and delusional. But he was working so many hours at his old job, lots of nights, the occasional weekend, he never saw the guy. And it's not always the same guy, but it's always the same car.

'It's why I wanted Chase to change jobs; I thought if he was home more he'd see it, too. And frankly, I was scared to be alone, especially with Angie, I was afraid I couldn't protect her if the guy did more than just drive by. And I sure as hell didn't feel like going out into the open with her. I was afraid I'd be followed if I left home."

Kim's voice dropped almost to a whisper, "I was afraid they were maybe after Chase and using me like…" Kim shook her head as if to clear the memories, "But when Chase changed jobs, the guy went away; he only started coming back a few weeks ago."

_Oh, God_. Chloe tried not to let her shock show on her face. Her mind raced, and she realized, too late, that Chase had changed jobs at about the same time Chloe had discovered the taps on everyone's phones. _Of course they stopped driving by; they knew we were on to them. And we never told Kim and Chase, we just fixed it all behind their backs, so…Oh, God._

Glaring at Chloe, Kim mistook the woman's shock for accusation. "You don't believe me, either, do you?"

"No, I…" _Damnit, damnit, damnit!_ "I believe you, but why didn't you say anything. You should have called someone. Called Tony or someone at CTU..?"

The rueful laugh that came from the young woman across from her broke Chloe's heart. "Because I started to believe Chase, Chloe. He was making sense and I was still so upset about Dad..." Tears began to form in her eyes. "I mean, who would be driving past my house? You guys, old friends of my Dad's, they would stop by, and check on me in person. Or call. And no one ever drove by when Chase was there, and he wasn't followed at work, so it couldn't be him…" Kim began speaking faster, anger and frustration evident in her eyes. "It didn't make sense, it _doesn't_ make sense. And I began to think I _had_ imagined it, especially when it stopped. But it started again, and by that time Chase had made up his mind and that was that. I mean, my Dad is dead. Who the hell would care about me?"

_Only the Chinese, the Secret Service, anyone who might suspect he's not dead…_

Kim's anger faded a bit and she continued, fanning out her hands on the table and speaking matter-of-factly. "So there it is. Chase doesn't see it, and even if he did… He doesn't really like his new job, it doesn't pay as much, and the people aren't as nice. And honestly, I don't think he was ever really OK with leaving CTU in the first place. He wants to move back to DC, but I don't. So it's all my fault. I didn't want him at CTU, I asked him to be around more, I'm having problems, I'm having trouble talking about my problems- it's my fault. Whether it really is or not. It's just… it was bad, but I was hoping it would get better after the vacation. We would have had time to talk, just the two of us and no distractions. Angela was going to stay with his sister, now they're both there. And I'm alone."

Chloe paused, unsure what to say. Finally, she asked, "Vacation?"

"The one we would be on right now if you hadn't given him Aunt Carol's phone number so damn fast."

The accusation lay between the two for several minutes as Chloe tried to come to grips with what Kim was saying. She couldn't. Chloe's rational mind threatened to check out and she wanted to disappear. She felt like she was in quicksand up to her neck and was sinking ever so slowly.

Chase said Kim was unstable, but to Chloe, she seemed fine. Tired, angry, and hurt, but not flying off the hook, and she certainly didn't seem like she would put Angela at risk. And Chloe had no problems believing Kim about the surveillance, she just had no way to prove it to Chase. And even if she did… Chloe didn't know what to believe, who to believe, or most importantly, what to do about any of this. All Chloe wanted to do was sort it all out, make it go away. She wanted to call Chase, and talk to Kim more, anything to make it all make sense in her mind.

She wanted to call Tony and Michelle for advice, too. All of the anger, guilt, doubts and pain she had felt the previous week returned with a vengeance. Chloe tried to see it from all sides and a feeling of dread fell upon her as it dawned upon her exactly what it would take to sort out this mess. She would have to tell the truth. She couldn't believe she was right back where she had been a week ago. Telling the truth was the only way Chase would believe Kim about the watcher, and it was the only way Kim could understand why she was being watched in the first place. Chloe felt lost because she knew, once again, that she couldn't do any of that. She couldn't tell the truth, and she couldn't burden Tony and Michelle with something they couldn't do anything about. She couldn't fix it.

Chloe heard Tony's words again… _Sometimes really does hurt less to just walk away_. Chloe wondered if it could really be that simple, to just leave her friends to sink or swim on their own. To let them hurt each other and themselves. To finally just let it all go and concentrate on what she could fix and what she could manage.

It was Kim who finally broke the silence, "I'll admit, I've been a mess, and I've pushed Chase away, and maybe I do need help. But that's _my_ business. Not yours. Not anymore. So stay away, Chloe. Far away. Make sure you tell that to Tony and Michelle, too."

She stood and looked down at Chloe, anger beginning to register on her face again. "I think you can all go to hell. Just don't ask me along for the ride anymore." Kim was fighting back tears as she gathered up her purse. "Chase is gone, and I'm not even sure I want to get him back. I don't think I can take anymore of anything even remotely related to CTU anymore. So whatever you all promised my Dad you'd do if anything happened, whatever you think you owe him… just forget about it. Consider your obligations fulfilled."

Kim began to leave and Chloe stopped her with a hand on her arm, "What about the guy who's watching you? I need to have someone stop-"

"Don't. If someone wants to follow me, drive past my place, wherever that ends up being, just let 'em. I'm done, Chloe. I'm not doing this anymore. Someone really wants Chase they'll go after Angela anyway. And I can't think of any reason why they'd want me. Not like I know anything useful anymore."

"Kim," Chloe began again, but Kim stopped her.

"Listen, if you have some protocol you have to follow, or need to do something so you can sleep at night… Whatever- I don't care. Just don't involve me, and don't expect a thank you." Kim looked at Chloe's hand on her arm, and Chloe dropped it.

As she turned to leave, Kim spoke one last time, not even looking at Chloe. "If you really want to help me, just leave me alone. Let me forget I ever met you. Just let me walk away."

And in the end, that's exactly what Chloe did.


	8. Epilogue

Chloe felt like she was wrapped in a fog. She couldn't see clearly, she couldn't hear clearly, and the mug of hot tea in her hand felt like it was attached to someone else's arm. All she wanted to do was curl up in her bed and sleep until the memories went away. Just collapse until she couldn't hear the screaming, the crying, the yelling, or the pleading anymore. Until there was nothing left but silence.

She had tried, God knows, she had tried. But every time she approached her bed she'd remember her last night in it. The last night she had considered, however briefly, letting someone else in, letting someone care for her and maybe allowing herself to care back. The last night she had felt safe in her own home, or at her office. The last night when most of her friends were alive instead of dead. The last night before the lies she had spent the last year and a half of her life protecting at the cost of her own soul came crashing down.

The sofa wasn't as comfortable, but at least it didn't haunt her. That's what the nightmares were for. Her sleep was erratic, and finally Chloe had to given up on it.

She had tried to go back to work, that first day after, but after a few hours of her increasing agitation and frustration, Buchanan had cornered her.

"_Chloe, we're all as worried about Jack as you are, but you can't help him if you're going on like this. We're all trying to help, so why don't you take a step back and let us. Take a day or two off and just walk away from it for awhile." _

Buchanan's words echoed in her head. Suddenly unable to stay still, Chloe sprang off of her sofa, spilling her tea on her hand as she slammed it down on the coffee table. She didn't even feel the burn as she began frantically pacing her apartment. _"…as worried about Jack as you are…"_ They had no idea, Chloe fumed, no idea what it meant to worry about Jack. To never be absolutely certain where he was or who he was with; who might be following him, or who might have found the flaw in their carefully crafted deception. For the last year and a half she had worried about him, and watched his back. She had lied to friends and family, people who respected and trusted her, and for what? Just so the Chinese could just waltz off with him?

Before she knew what she was doing, she had picked up the mug and hurled it at the wall. The crisp shatter snapped Chloe out of her daze, and she stood, shaking as the tea dripped down the wall and formed a spreading puddle on the floor.

_Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit!_ Chloe cursed as she crossed to the kitchen for a paper towel. _If I don't get a grip, I'll never get back to CTU._

The thought was sobering. She had talked to a few of the other survivors of the gas attack, and a lot of them were requesting transfers or even considering quitting CTU altogether. Even a few of the people who had made it out in time, or had just been transferred in as replacements afterwards were considering leaving. There was a palpable air of fear and uncertainty on the floor, and Chloe had felt it, too, but she couldn't imagine not going back. CTU was her life, as pathetic as that sounded, and she couldn't abandon it now. She didn't blame those who were leaving, she understood. In fact, she remembered a similar exodus after the Chandler Hotel incident, and she remembered that after CTU had been bombed Michelle said…

Chloe allowed the thought to trail off as she slowly mopped up the tea. Of all the thoughts she didn't want to dwell on, memories of Michelle, Tony, Edgar, President Palmer, Lynn McGill, and all the other people she knew and had watched die were at the top of the list. It was too raw, too painful, and Chloe was too exhausted to go down that road again, she knew what would happen. She had already broken down once; crying so hard her sides still ached. She hadn't felt so alone since, well, since ever.

She was picking up the shards of broken pottery, trying to keep her thoughts in line when a knock at the door jolted her out of her reverie. Chloe froze, unsure what to do. She knew she didn't want to see anyone; she knew she was a mess, pajama bottoms, tank top, robe, red eyes, tangled hair. For a brief moment, she feared it was the Chinese, or more of Henderson's people, coming for her and her heart stopped; but that thought was dismissed as soon as it surfaced. Still her eyes darted over to the desk drawer where she had hidden a gun.

The knock was repeated, and this time a voice called through the door.

"Chloe, its Chase. Let me in."

_Can't be. Please, I can't do this again._

Everything around Chloe grayed out for a moment, and she began to lose her balance. She hastily put a hand on the floor to steady herself. Unfortunately, it landed squarely on a jagged piece of the shattered mug. Unable to stop herself, she let out a yelp of pain, and immediately clapped her uninjured hand over her mouth, praying she hadn't been heard.

"Chloe, are you in there?" A pause. She remained silent.

_Why is he here? Does he know? Did someone tell him?_

Chloe's heart pounded with fear and guilt as she continued to crouch, holding her bleeding hand. All the lies she had told began to repeat over and over in her head, damning her. She hadn't seen Chase in months, and it hadn't even occurred to her to call him to explain. The thought of doing so now was almost nauseating.

The silence stretched into minutes and Chloe began to relax. She quickly walked to the kitchen and began running water over her injured hand. It was deeper than she had thought, and she was debating going to a doctor to see if she needed stitches when her cell phone rang. Putting another paper towel in her fist and balling it to keep the pressure on, she walked over to her desk and absently picked up the phone, flipping it open and putting it to her ear in a single, fluid motion.

"O'Brien."

"I know about Jack, Chloe. Open the damn door or I will."

Chase ended the call without another word, and Chloe heard a single knock on her door. There was another pause, and then two knocks. Chloe sprinted across her apartment, unwilling to explain to her super about what happens after three knocks.

She unlocked and opened the door, and Chase walked inside. He didn't wait for an invitation, but simply passed her as he crossed the room and sat on the couch.

She stood at the door for another moment after she closed and re-locked it, unwilling to turn around, afraid to see his eyes. She didn't know what she would find there. Anger? Betrayal? Disappointment?

She thought the last would be the worst. They had been friends for so long; to have Chase feel like she let him down would be crushing. When they had met in DC, he had been the only person who was patient with her. He had been the only field agent who didn't routinely snap at her, or automatically take her often brutal honesty for an insult. When he applied for a transfer to LA, it was he who suggested she might want to go too, to be closer to her family and where she grew up. She hadn't even realized he knew where she was from. And after the move, she knew it was largely his influence that kept her on, no matter how frustrated Jack got, or how tired Tony was of having to mediate her disputes with Adam. He was her friend, one of the few she had counted on.

And she had lied to him for eighteen months. She had told him lies that had cost him more than she could ever imagine.

"Are you going to turn around and look at me, Chloe, or are you going to stand there all day?"

"Do I have a choice?"

There was a soft sigh, "Chloe, please?"

She turned slowly, looking at the floor. Eventually she raised her eyes and met his.

"God, you look terrible." He stated.

"Been a long day. Couple of days, really."

"I heard."

"I guessed."

The silence stretched as Chloe remained at her door way. She couldn't read Chase's expression; he was keeping a mask firmly in place. It worried her. Finally she moved away from the door way, crossing to the chair opposite the couch. She sat slowly, cradling her injured hand in her lap.

Chase noticed it, and gestured. "What happened there?"

Chloe shrugged, and waved her good hand in the direction of the wall. "Picked a fight with a mug, I think it won."

Shaking his head with a small chuckle, Chase stood and crossed to the small bathroom, "Kit's still under the sink?"

Chloe answered in the affirmative and watched as Chase pulled out the small first-aid box and returned to the living area. He set the opened kit on the floor and kneeled in front of Chloe, taking her wounded hand in his. The whole thing felt surreal to Chloe. There was an odd detachment in the way he carefully removed the paper towel from the cut and quickly examined it. It was still bleeding sluggishly, but the worst had stopped. Keeping her hand in one of his he rummaged around in the small kit. "I'll wrap this for you for now, but you probably should get a few stitches later on."

"OK," Chloe replied, not trusting herself to say any more.

Chase found some antiseptic wipes, antibacterial gel, a few gauze squares and a small roll of gauze and proceeded to carefully clean, treat and, wrap the would with an efficiency that bespoke years of experience. He did it all in silence, stopping only once when the antiseptic stung the wound. When he was finished, he repacked the kit and returned it to the bathroom, and came back, taking his former seat across from Chloe.

His expression was still unreadable, as he sat across from her, waiting for her to speak. Chloe couldn't meet his eyes; she just stared at her bare feet on the floor. Terrified that anything she said would make things worse, she opted for silence.

Chase finally looked away from Chloe, turning his head to look out the window. "Do I even get to ask what really happened? Or is this going to be buried?"

Taking a shaky breath, Chloe started, "Jack found out he was going to be killed. At first, he just wanted Tony to help him get out so he could turn himself into the Chinese directly to avoid the assassin. But Tony told him to just run, run and disappear, but Jack figured if he did that, the Chinese might go after you and Kim-" Chloe winced and snuck a glance at Chase.

He turned to her with a wan smile, "Who do you think told me he was alive, Chloe?"

Chloe almost wasn't sure she heard him right. _Kim called…Chase?_ Of all people, Kim Bauer had been the one to tell Chase the truth. It made a depressing kind of sense when Chloe thought about it. Who else? Chase didn't really have any friends at CTU anymore who would call. Tony and Michelle were dead, and who else but Kim would know what the news would mean to him?

Chase continued to look at Chloe, his expression indefinable, "She didn't want me hearing any wild rumors." A bitter chuckle escaped his throat as Chase continued, looking out the window again, "Not that the truth seems tame by comparison, but still. I think she just wanted to get used to saying it out loud, like it wouldn't be real if she didn't. And I guess she figured everyone else would be too busy cleaning up to bother letting me in on the joke." There was a slight pause, "She told me about Michelle and Tony, too. Are you OK, Chlo?"

"No, but I'm still alive. That's more than most people today."

Chase nodded, and allowed the silence to draw out again. Finally, Chloe decided she couldn't take it anymore, "I'm sorry, Chase, we should have-"

"Don't Chlo. Part of me gets it, really." Chloe watched as Chase stood and crossed to her window, looking out. Chloe could see the hollows under his eyes and idly wondered if he had been crying. "Someone was after him, and he wanted to protect us- I get that, but what I don't get is why we weren't told later." Chase turned to face Chloe, "Why didn't you, or anyone, tell us afterwards? Were you afraid we couldn't keep the secret?"

"No, Chase, we didn't-"

"Did you think we'd turn him in?"

"God, Chase- no, but-"

"Well what was it, then, Chloe? There had to be something."

Tears stung Chloe's eyes as she tried to find the right words. "I wanted to, we all wanted to, Chase. Kim was in so much pain," Chloe saw Chase flinch and turn back to the window, "and so were you, but we couldn't. We almost did, but we didn't."

"I asked you why, Chloe. Do you have an answer or not?"

Chloe's mind drifted back to the day she ended up at Tony's and Michelle's, determined to let them know she was telling Chase and Kim the truth, and before she realized what she was doing she was talking. Telling the whole story to Chase, sneaking Jack out of CTU, her panic at finding out how bad things were getting with Kim, everything Tony and Michelle had said, everything she had said- to Tony, to Chase, to Kim, even some of her conversations with Jack. The truth poured out of Chloe in a rush of tears and panic, a year and a half's worth of worry and regret, pain and loathing.

At some point, Chase returned to the couch, his eyes fixed on Chloe's face, unmoving. When she finally finished with Jack's capture, Chloe's eyes met his, desperate for some sign, any sign, that Chase might have understood. But there was nothing. He blinked once, twice, and finally a third time before he spoke, "I want to hate you, Chloe."

Chloe's head dropped and the tears she had been fighting began to well up anew.

"I really want to hate you," Chase continued, his eyes still fixed on Chloe. "Forget the face that Jack was alive all this time, you just told me you knew we were being watched and followed and you didn't say anything. My family was being watched _in our home_, Chloe. I thought the woman I love- the woman I _loved_ was going nuts, and I made a decision based on that, and you _knew_ she was right. I could've, well I don't know, but I could've done something. Jesus, maybe we could have joined him, I don't know, but dammit, Chloe, that was our decision to make!" Chase stood again and began pacing in front of the couch.

"And I want to hate you for that, I really do. But I can't." Chloe raised her head again and watched as Chase continued to pace. "I can't hate you, because you were just the messenger- I should hate him. I think I do. Damn him to hell, I can't believe he'd do this to us!"

"Chase-" Chloe began, but she was cut off.

"Don't defend him, Chlo, he made a decision. It was his. He wanted to be cut-off, you cut him off. He wanted to lie to us, so you did it for him. We've all lied for him at some point or another, why would you be any different?" Chase sunk back into the couch, rubbing his eyes with his hand before looking at Chloe again. "I can't hate you and I don't, this whole situation wasn't your fault."

"I'm sorry," Chloe whispered.

"I know." Chase answered.

A moment passed and Chase spoke again, "Do you have any leads?"

"Yes and no, two ships left port after Jack was taken, one bound for South America and the other China. We kinda doubt he's on the South American one." Chase laughed weakly and Chloe continued, "We're doing everything we can, but it's complicated."

"When is it ever not with Jack?" Chase shook his head ruefully and stood, "You look tired, and you really should get your hand checked out. I just wanted to- I just wanted to hear it from you, Kim was kinda vague on a few things, and I didn't feel right to pressing her for details."

Chase began to walk toward the door and turned back, "Chloe?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm angry. With you, in part, but mostly with him. But if you need anything, I'm still here. We're still family."

Chloe managed a weak smile, "I'm OK, or I will be. Chase, I really am sorry."

"So am I."

Chloe watched her friend leave without another word. After he was gone, she finished picking up the shards of pottery on the floor, and sat back on her couch. She thought she would cry, but the tears didn't come and after a few minutes she stood and headed to the bathroom.

She would shower, get something to eat, and go back to work. She had a job to do, and she was done walking away.


End file.
